Freedom Is In The Question
September 30th, 2006
Throughout my life I’ve believed many things. Some things, the dogma of church and country, I believed because I was told to. Other things I desperately wanted to believe.
Over time, I slowly began to examine my beliefs, picking up each one and holding it against my experience to see if it belonged, like testing colors on the canvas of my life. I grappled with reality to discover my own meaning rather than accept spoon-fed truth. I’ve come to believe the meaning of life can’t be taught, only revealed or created depending upon the angle of your gaze. This is the struggle to be free.
I’ve spent too much time asking how and not enough asking why. Asking how explains the mechanics of things, but asking why leads to a confrontation with mystery, giving life depth and richness. I try to question everything now, including myself. Answers close doors; freedom is in the question.
After years of scheming to get what I don’t really want, I’ve found the question isn’t always “is it possible, but is it worthwhile, is it good, is it true”? After a lifetime of bad choices, I realize I’m asleep most of the time and believe that the freedom exists only if I’m awake and aware in that moment between stimulus and response, impulse and action.
Wisdom is more rare than intelligence but more vital for freedom. The quest for personal salvation trivializes life, I’m wiser when I include more people under the umbrella of “us” and leave fewer of “them” outside in the rain of my indifference. A humanity of isolated individuals is an illusion. The same spark burns in us all. So, although I’m not capable of a beatific love for everyone, I make an effort to tolerate, accept, and lend a hand in the struggle of others to be human and by doing so feel more human myself.
I believe that some comfort is necessary, but too much leads to stagnation and bondage. Freedom is in consciously choosing simple pleasures that affirm life. Meals prepared with care, wine, friends and good conversation. The sun on my skin, the breeze on my face as I tense and sweat to climb a steep mountain trail. A captivating idea.
The music of the Beatles and the “Moonlight Sonata.” Movies that make me cry. The memory of my mother’s smile, my father’s hand on my shoulder, and the faces of my children and their children. Loving a good and faithful woman, and being loved in return. Honest work. A stranger’s smile. Sitting silently.
What makes these things so sweet is the understanding of their delicate and transient nature. I read about impermanence in my philosophy books as a younger man; it was only as I aged that its reality hit me in the gut. I believe gratitude for each moment is a natural response to this realization. To be grateful is a conscious act, and therefore is also a path to freedom.
The stories we’ve created over the centuries come nowhere near explaining the enormity of life, why things happen, or why anything exists at all. Nothing really had to be, and the fact that you, me, or anything exists is a source of wonder. When we feel our way back into this source from which we emerge moment by moment, we liberate freedom.
by Kevin Ionno
Savannah, Georgia, USA
Wow! Thank you so much for sharing your experience, your wisdom and your honesty. This is an entry that I will be reading often, hoping to incorporate the insights into my life.
I agree with your thoughts on simple pleasures and being grateful. I try to take time daily, especially during a stressful moment, to just breathe and be thankful. In an environment where so much is taken for granted, teaching my children to be grateful has become important to me. I have hope that they will one day have an appreciation for the “simple pleasures.” I’ve always admired your writing and your constant passion for learning and growing.
Kevin;
A very beautifully written piece, deeply moving in its eloquence. I particularly love the questions that confront mystery.
Perfect pitch, I’d say. Thank you very much.